Op Ed: Size Does Matter

You know your house is small when...

you can vacuum every square inch using the same (okay, the only) electrical outlet

the house is measured in square inches and not square feet

you're sitting in the living room at the front of the house and you can hear the cat licking his fur in the upstairs back bedroom

you lie in bed at night and your feet touch the balcony door

you can hear your neighbours whispering in their own beds, "I asked you to cut your toenails how many times?"

exercise means half an hour of running up and down the stairs -- 4,682 times

you flip a pancake and it lands in the tub

you have to do your Richard Simmon's workout in the neighbour's back yard

speed cleaning takes eight seconds

you buy beer by the tri-pack

the dog yawns and swallows four cats

your uncle can pee from the top of the stairs into the lake

the plants are fertilized by touching each other

you host holiday dinners in shifts

breakfast is served from the stereo turntable

instead of a humidifier, a cup of water will do

the electric bill is 87 cents per month

decorating includes hanging the picture

every time you gain five pounds the neighbours look really really worried

you have to buy groceries twelve times a week

overnight guests sleep in your car

the goldfish, a new cd, the goldfish, a new cd...

when the telephone rings you answer the iron (I know, I know)

complete home renovations happen overnight (literally)

insulation = two bathmats + 18 " of duct tape

your favourite holiday song is "Oh Christmas Plant"

<:^)

Archived Monday, October 1, 2007